Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
MIDSUMMER MIST (Short story)
MIDSUMMER MIST
12:00 clock noon! yeh the sun is shining right on top, like a melting golden plate, and the atmosphere is boiling. But it has to be, b'cause its April, and we don't expect chilly mists to spread during these periods. I sneaked with some effort through the rushes of Kottakkal private stand, with a vacant mind and an almost vacant purse.... &; these days I wonder why my mind has gone vacant, maybe there was nothing to expect for, or nothing to dream for, not even beautiful girls,... But what can I... a 3rd class graduate expect, other than field survey, on a nominal piece rate, for a private marketing survey firm. But this time it was too boring.... cigarettes, for ITC,...... how many time u smoke? what brand? Why? do u smoke while defecation?....... boring particularly for a person who had smoked only 3 or 4 times in his entire life. What is the enjoyment it brings, a couple of hard coughs... sourness in throat, nothing else, God knows. Oh! now the heat is taking its toll, I was boiling with the entire Kottakkal Bus stand, I thought like that we all will boil and will swell out into huge flesh masses, and then will become jelly and all humans will join to form a huge lump of flesh!
There, Muslim women (Malappuram is entirely Muslim dominated) irrespective of their ages moved around claded in Purdhas of various kinds (the age seemed undefined inside a purdha), &; it seemed like penguins moving around in tandem! there was a certain rhythm for their movement, short steps, slow strides. Some times I even wondered how these women maintained their body temperature in this boiling heat, but sooner I would conclude my thought, that they were well protected with the soft layer of fat which covered their entire body, or the expensive perfumes coated over their body - both being byproducts of their Spouses sweat shed ed at the frying deserts of middle Easts. Here in Malappuram one can see only these women, at times I felt very lonely in middle of these unfriendly PENGUINS!
My throat was almost dry, but my pocket was too...., what can a guy earning around 750 bucks (incl. TA) save, for the latter period of a month. With some anxiety I peeped through my pocket... bus fare to Trissur (where I halted), a low fare vegetarian lunch, yeh that's all, finished, no room for a luxury called Tea or soda shurbath. But with great courage I ventured for a soda (Life has made me very bold these days). The turst took me briskly into the far side of the Busstand, a midst of glourous 'Gulf flourishing' shops, I landed near a decent one, 'Oru Uppusoda' I asked, and looked around. Many pairs of eyes started to stare at me. It is a peculiarity in Malabar, where ever u went, people will watch u closely, as if cats stares at dogs, with great caution & watch full ness. Initially I was very irritated, but with time I became used to it, I knew that there was nothing to panic, the 'street watchers' were harmless, they were staring out of their curiosity, or out of their fear towards a mysterious stranger (my mother used to say at all times, that I looked very mysterious right from my childhood, then how can they). So as always I just ignored it, and gazed casually into the shop, whistling a hit tamil song... suddenly the year 1993 catched my eyes, yeh next year is the next FIFA world cup, ie 1994, suddenly the thrill of shouting galleries, and the romantic sight of dribbling balls passed through my mind..... These are some rare sweet moments that come my way. I smiled, the shop keeper stretched a full glass of uppusoda towards me, the sight of tiny bubbles popping up and cracking at the surface, quenched half my thirst. With one gulp I emptied the glass and placed the same on the shop table. "Engal ebadunna" a rough voice poked at my ears, I looked around, a stout head load labourer with light green cotton slack shirt & dark green lungie, with both his hands at his hips, stood right behind me looking very curiously at me, his eyes was repeating that question, demanding an answer, "engal ebidannu barunnu" next question!, I looked around, a small tremor passed through my spine when I saw a group of men, including market workers, staring at me, they were watching, as if a cockfight is going to start. I smelled trouble, but without showing it I answered in a casual voice: "Njaan eranakulathunnu ninnu vannu, evida oru companikku veendi survey edukkanam" and smiled artificially. "Enthu surbey, ebadatha combany,... ooan kallatharam kondiragikkannu" he shouted looking at the mob, the mob laughed, "kallananu" "sooikkanam" some comments bursted from the mob, I was getting more & more uncomfortable, with shiver spreading inside me, but I tried hard to cover it up, suddenly I watched the mob, it was getting bigger & bigger, & it is now formed into a circle, & I was right in middle of it. I was sure, that without clearing all the doubts of this mob, I couldn't escape from it. The mob has begun to embrace me tightly. "Ooana bidandada Ali", someone shouted, then I made out that the person who ventured into me is Ali, a headload worker belonging to a trade union sponsored by Muslim League. The teasing comments from the mob was hurting my pride & ego, and all muscle groups in my body were regrouping and all nervous were urging my responsive system to react, which was logically turned down by my matured "think tank". But the situation was getting worse & worse, with the mob, expecting to see a fight, getting restless, it was left to Ali & me to start the show. We had no other options, the stage was set & we had to go for it, & it was Ali who made the first move, "Neeru parayatha anakku ebidannu poovan pattila" he charged towards me. I made a quick glance at him, he was well built, strong, even I was very strong & muscular (courtsy powerlifting during my college days) , but the hazardous field work &; insufficient food, had taken away lumps of muscles from my arms &; thighs. Moreover it is Kottakkal, heartland of Malappuram, were the Muslim Kingdom reigns, taking on a muslim rowdy at their back yard, in front of his natives, is like taking on a lion at its den. But here I have to fight, to save my pride,… to be a man,… NO! but just to escape from there, I had to fight. Ali grabbed my shirt collar with his showell like palms and threw me to the ground... I fell on my back, saw the blue sky with the sun still burning like a hot plate. I saw Ali rushing towards me, suddenly I folded my right leg, and with all the force of my thigh muscles, I gave a kick to Ali's underbelly, he fell down like a huge coconut palm chopped down. I suddenly got up, everyone in the Mob stood jaw dropped, there was pin drop silence. With some trouble Ali was back to his feet, with his face grinning with pain, he roared "nayeenda moonee", and jumped on me, we exchanged a couple of punches, Ali gave one on my right cheek (i saw heaven), another to my left shoulder, I gave a hard punch to his chest, and an upper cut beneath his jaws, he grinned with pain. But I couldn't carry on this encounter for long, b'cause the backup of 3 iddilies will drain off all my endurance within minutes. But suddenly Ali made a terrific move, he picked a fat log, and rushed towards me. With a quick reflex action I snatched a lemon slicer from the nearby shop, and waved to & fro "aduthaa njaan kuthi malathum", I shouted, but he was unstoppable, or the situation made him unstoppable........., he was in front of his home crowd, & he had to win at any cost, and I cannot loose, the battle line was set for a perfect "cockfight", the mob urged Ali to go for me, Ali did, only to find the razor sharp tip of my knife, the sharp knife sliced through his chest & abdomen, leaving a bloody cross belt across his body!!! Suddenly the mob was shattered, everyone was dislocated, Ali crawled backwards struggling, caught on a pillar, then fell back (in slow motion) and laid on the floor, uttering something in great pain. "Kuthi, Kuthi" OOana aspathri kondoo" "bidaruthavana" voices shouted, but the mob was shattered, sensing a chance to escape, I slipped away with the knife in my hands, some body tried to stop me, but I waved the knife, and ran with all my strength. I knew, if I was caught, my Mother will never see me alive again.
I peeped through a narrow lane and fled, when I reached the other side, an auto stopped near me, "beegam kaaru" a voice came out of it, without thinking anything I jumped into it. Inside the auto I came to knew, that the auto driver was a RSS activist, and the person whom I stabbed was a real head ache for them. He was watching our fight, "engalikku enthingalum battiya, njammada kuttiyoolu bannu ooana toyicheena" , I just gave a dry smile, while cleaning off the blood from my hands, with my kerchief, and then I wrapped the slicer inside the kerchief, and threw it into a canal. I did not revealed my RSS connection back home. I thought of my home for a second, NO! going home is suicidal, I may be traced soon. He took me to a bus stand where a Calicut LS bus was waiting, "bekkum keerikoo, eni Koyikoodu pooyi eragiyaa mathi" he advised, but I was inside the bus even before it. The bus left at once, when I looked back, I saw the auto returning back. When the conductor came near me I suddenly thought of my pocket, "oru kozhikode" i asked, "pINANJU uruppika" he replied, I emptied all the money from my pocket, gave him Rs15/-, and counted the balance, there was Rs.10.50 left. Then I started to think, what next! Then I calmed my mind, what happened was all unexpected, and what will happen will also be unexpected, what to think & plan for something unexpected going to happen? Suddenly Anoop came to my mind, he was one of my early friends, he is at "Mangalapuram", but where? God only knows, there is only a PP Tel.No. of him left with me, how to trace him with a PP no. Unknown place, unknown people, unknown route, I was getting nervous, I suddenly leaned back to my seat, & closed my eyes, & started to think of Ali & the incidents that just happened. The Bus has gone many a miles, but the threat is still following me, the roars & cries of the mob is still echoing in my ears, I was sure that the injury I inflicted was not serious, and he could get away with it within a few weeks. (One who stabs feels the pain, than any one else) But the injury to his pride was enormous, I started to feel sorry for him, he was made to fight rather than he wished to, he might had expected only some verbal exchanges, and should have given up if I kept my cool. But, we were dragged into it by the mob, by our ego, and once we are into it there is no going back, he knew if he looses this one, he is lost for ever, It was his home town, his natives surrounded, and in front of them he cannot afford to loose, once lost, it will erase all his reputation, pride, which he toiled for years to buildup, and which cannot be rebuild. A rowdy is created by a society with just one day, but after that, its left to him to carry on, the society throws down a number of acid tests which he should survive with pin point accuracy, just like a show man in a circus, no retakes, once down he is out for ever, suddenly he looses all glory, new faces will take his place, and since then even the tiny children will hood at him, that's why Ali was forced to take on me, He may be an innocent person, He only wanted to hurt me, to defeat me, for saving his pride, for saving the pride of Kottakkal, for saving the pride of Malabar Muslims, He was bold, strong... I was surmising things his way, suddenly my fear gave way to a strong feeling of sympathy & affection towards him........ Slowly and gradually I fainted into a sound sleep... which continued till the bus reached Calicut.
"Standethi" I suddenly woke up hearing that shout by the bus conductor. Yes, the bus had arrived at Calicut bus stand, and the few passengers left was getting ready to get down. I flexed my eyelids, shook my head & shed off the drowsiness, and slowly got up from the seat, and got down from the bus as the last man. I looked around, it was the first time that I was to Calicut. The Big clock showed 5:32, and my intestines were burning with hunger (In the meantime I have missed my lunch), but I have only reached half my way, my real destination is Mangalore, which is miles away, and I have only Rs.10.50 left, so any thought of pleasing my intestines was out of question at that point. The stand was crowded with buses & people, and here also penguins moved around, but in lesser numbers. I moved around looking at unfamiliar faces, and from one bus worker I came to know that I need Rs.35/- bus fare to reach Mangalore! I gazed at each buses in a careless manner, then slowly began to bite the dead skin on tip of my fingers (an usual thing which I do when I'm in a deep hole). Then I went & sat at a corner, and began to think of what next, there was only one answer, I need Rs.25/- more, and no other solution. Unknown place, I began to think of all my relatives, friends & natives, but NO, not a single person is anywhere near. I suddenly thought of asking for help, but with the incidents at Kottakkal fresh at mind, I decided not to. But what? ideas came, ideas went, but my problem stayed with me. Darkness started to fall, No the night was slowly conquering the day, I felt. Time was running like dark horse, and slowly the common faces made way for some new faces, the original possessors of a bus stand when darkness falls, pick pockets, snatchers, prostitutes, dacoits, criminals, gays, drug carriers etc... they slowly started to invade the bus stand, by which time the main stream public has given way for them. I wondered, it was a silent understanding between these two species, when day breaks out, these people will withdraw, & the public will take over, so they lived in a harmony, never trespassing the invisible lines, & if anyone did, he will be given the maximum punishment. I began to notice each faces, and some looked very similar to the ones which I saw during day. I wondered that the distinguishing lines between the night walkers & day civilians were very thin, that sometimes they even over lapped. Gradually a feel of terror passed through my spines, If another Ali emerges from some where, I'm finished, not even my dead body will be left, because here the night consumes everything........., everything including the day. With fear covering me I wrapped myself inside the boldness which I attained from the Great Kottakkal Escape, and slowly crawled to an unnoticed corner of the waiting shed.
I stayed there for some time, with starving belly, and starving mind, but without any solutions. Suddenly I saw a group watching me, & a whispering discussion is taking place there, and the center of attraction is me. I turned my face off and pretended to be unaware of it. Slowly one from that group came near me, "engadeekka" he asked in a soft low tone, "Mangalapurathekku" I answered, "eni eppo vandikaanoolaa" he answered looking at his watch, "nala vettathinee vandiyuluu, rathri ebida koodanda, bedakku sthalanoo, vaa engala nammalu pattiya stalathu kondakaa" he uttered catching on my hands, but unlike his voice his hold was very strong, like a crab. I snatched away his hands "beenda". "Eda sateesha, mupprikku ebida koodiya matheenu" he shouted to his group and laughed, they joined his laugh, and came near me, "Muppariku koyappamillagi, namakkum koyappamilla, namakku ebidathanna kooda, namukku apurathu pooka", another dark fat man yelled putting his hands around my shoulders. I shook ed off his hands, "mooparu aalu stronganalla" , "ebida vaada" another one tried to catch my collar, I jabbed his hands away, suddenly my worst fears were coming alive, with an empty stomach I warmed up for yet another fight, all my muscles regrouped, and nerves held them tight, I wondered from where did I generated such energy, each time a situation arises, may be I had become a peculiar species, programmed for crisis management.
"Eethu nayeenda makkalada abida", everybody looked around, a dark thin women, aged around 50-55 years, stayed looking at us. "Etaraappa Jaanuvaa, anakku koolonuum kiteeladiyai?" the group leader asked, "entha anakku @#&@#& beenoo", everybody laughed, "ennathu aidsu vannu chavanaa? beendaaadi...", the fat one replied, "enna engalu poo, oon Rajanda kuttyanu", she said looking at me, the gang suddenly went quiet for a moment, "Rajanda?" asked the leader, "entha, biswasayillagi chennu chooyeeru, pooyeenada ma@#&lee, rajan areenja andekka shavam poolum kaanulla", she shouted, the gang slowly withdrew, uttering something to themselves. I sighed a relief, and looked at her. SHE WAS A STREET PROSTITUTE, ONE WHO IS AT THE LOWER END OF FLESH TRADE, one who sells her body for a very cheaper rate (Rs.10, 15 or 20), one whose customers are beggars, low class pickpockets etc.. She was thin, with slight bend, she had crushed skin all over body, her face was like small coconut shell, with too little hair, wrapped up into a small ball right on top of her head, her starch less cheeks curved inside, forming large craters on either side of her face, and her eyes were inserted deep inside holes, we can only see two black holes, in the places of both eyes. In one look her face looked like a sheet of crushed dark skin tightly covering her skull, in fact with drained cheeks, deep inserted eyes, she looked like a vampire in Hollywood films. She had a mixed smell of poultry farm & rotten vegetables. Her limbs resembled thin logs, and she coughed each time she uttered a long sentence.
She looked at me through that black hole eyes (i couldn't see it), "Nee edunna", her voice was like a bugle blown in full swing, like a hungry kitten seeing milk, I vomited the whole story, right from Kottakkal busstand, and was breathing hard, when I finished it. " Anakku beethi poovarunillaa?" she asked in a interrogative manner, I listed my reasons one by one, "mathi" she shouted, "ooronikkalu bannoolum engadu, neeyakka ebidaagilum chennu, enthenkilum patticha, beetilu ninda thallakku aarada?", "ebidakka bannu petta penna orupooku pooyathanu' nee eppa kandilaa, avamarum engina bannu pettathana, athupoolavanoo anakkum?" she yelled in one streach, and then started to whisper some obscene comments to the air, "anakku besakkanenda? baa" she walked, I obeyed like a primary school student. She took me to near a "Thattukada" "oru chaya, randu undamporium", she told loudly, the shop man asked with an erotic smile "aarikkaa", "njammada kuttiyanu" she answered looking at me and snapped her left eye. I ate both undampories like a cat chewing fish head, and emptied the tea glass, wiped my lips, "bashappu mariaa", I nodded my head with great satisfaction, she placed some dirty currencies at a box top, and walked away without speaking, I followed suit. I know that I had just had my dinner, and a street prostitute has paid for it, but I didn't felt disgraced, that's the power of hunger, gradually I was adjusting to this colourless world.
I came back with her & sat at that corner, I felt very relieved & happy (?), without even realising, I was feeling very secure with her. "Eni enthappa?" she asked, I nodded negatively, "enna daa moolaku pooy kedanoo, arrum kaanulla", and pointed to a dark corner of an abandoned work shed. I walked near it, it was full of damaged bus wheels, Oil drums, mutilated spare parts, the floor was soaked in greece & engine oil, with waste cotton scattered at all parts. I paused at the entrance & a contempt look adorned my face. "Enthaa?" she exclaimed, "anakku malannu kedakkan malika kondoorattee?, koothichimoon, baneekanu abanda oru hungaai", she started to recite, I soon entered it, & went to a corner, and placed me comfortable behind the partition of a couple of empty oil drums. Sitting there, I felt very bad & small, what a creature am I? A prostitute is trying hard to support me for a night within her limited resources, & I'm trying to exploit the maximum, what a shame on me... "Anakku ottakirikkan paadeeda?", her bugle voice pierced the darkness, I didn't replied, in fact I was ashamed of myself. With the combination smell of rotten vegetables & poultry farm approaching me, I could make out that she was coming to me. She came & sat near me, & said "Avidirunna aa Mavoor Bhaseem satheeshanum Meenchanda shajeem eneem varum..... verutha enthina gulmal pidikkanaa...", "Avarokka aaraa?" I asked after a few seconds, she kept quiet for a while, "badakkukal", the whole answer was consolidated into that one word, after that we didn't spoke about it, silence filled the vaccum between us. But it was an uneasy situation, each time I expected something to happen.
I was not aware of the time, or I was not bothered for it. Minutes passed by, suddenly a voice of a vehicle cut through the silence, Janu (in meantime I was familier with her name) jerked up "ebadannu anagarutu" and she quickly moved out as if expecting something, from outside I start to hear rough male voices overlaping Janu's voice, somebody was raising against her, & she was pleading, at times her voice was on the brink of breaking down. Gradually I made out who it is, Police! suddenly a mild tremor vibrated through my spines, Almost midnight, in an abandoned bus stand full of criminals of various kinds, I in company with a prostitute! wonderful situation for a Police Officer to find me, and what if? I can spend the rest of this night and the coming nights under the 'armed' & 'warm' security of the Police Station, What an Idea!!! That voice is still at large, now other voices is also been heard, sounds of lathi tapping at the floor, ugly abuses, boot heals striding poked my ears, after some time I heard the sound of vehicle starting and slowly the voice vanished. Janu rushed in by wiping her face & neck with her sari head, "Ooh rakshapettu" and looking at me, ""Anna kanathirikkan njamma petta paad, pahayan engaad keeran poyathanu, pacheengi njammal applekkum bishayam maati..... baaseeda karyam paranju angadeeku bittu" she paused & took a deep breath "enthu paranju" I asked, "Oonda kayi marunudannu paranju' oona avaru pokki kondupooyi". "Appo" I again asked, "enthu oona ennu Rajan CI edichu chammandi aakum" she laughed, "kozhappavulaa" I asked, "enda neera choondi anna kanichuthara ennu parijittanu oon poyathu", .... I sat silently, "Aaranu Rajan CI", I inquired after some time, Janu looked around, & whispered "Policee circlelaanu, ebanmarooda nethavoom, marunnu kachoodom (drug trafficing) erachi kachoodam (flesh trade) mooparariyaatha aarum cheyyan padilaa, ellathinum mooparikku vihitoondu, athu koduthileel ethu poola pidichoondu poovum, pineedu avanda parippu kalakkum", she spoke in one streatch. "Mooparida aalu ennu paranja pinna aarum anna thodoola, pacheengi, mooparu anna kandirineel, anna kondooyee anna kondu ee duniyavilee ella bedakku paneem cheeyakkum, moopparikku ella rathreem kundanmaaraa (a kind of male homosexuals) beenam",..... she stopped. I felt very greatful to Janu, she was saving me risking her life, She was sure Bhasi would take revenge on her as soon as he returns, or the notorious CI Rajan will harass her if he comes to know that she was hiding me tonight. Either way she was at danger, I felt very sorry for her.
Time was well passed midnight, a sound of cough was heard outside followed by a call "Edi Januaai...", then Janu sat up quietly and said in a low tone "Nee orangikoo" and she walked out without any particuler unemotional, she was out for her job, her customer or customers were waiting, it may be 10 or 20 minutes, or even hours, and what will she earn, 25 - 30 rupees together with endless incurable diseases. I have read somewhere, street prostitutes lives only upto 50 to 60years, in that case Janu has approached the fag end of her life, her rock crusher like coughs are an indication to it. I felt very lonely after her exit, the compound odor of poultry & rotten vegetables has vanished, I slowly laid back on a news paper laid down on that grease cladded floor, and slowly I fell into a deep sleep. In that sleep, Ali, Bhasi, Sateeshan all arrived, they started to dance around me, then I joined with them, then we all were dancing to some tunes, my mother, sister, sweet heart, cousins, everybody faded through my eyes,..... but I kept dancing, dancing, dancing,..........
"Nadhapuram Kasargode..." the sound of a bus shouter suddenly awoke me, I looked around, it is early dawn, the sun is overcoming its shyness to come forward. Its 6 am at the bus stand clock, and the stand is slowly starting to be taken up by the elite mainstream society, the dark sons of night has gone hiding somewhere..... the unscripted law has prevailed. A few yards away, at a street tap some were taking bath, I felt that the inhabitants of night were washing away the sins & stains of night, and getting ready to face the day. I felt very thirsty, (on all mornings I used to take 3 glasses of fresh water). Suddenly I the scenes of last night flashed through my mind, For the first time in my life (also last) I have spend a night with a prostitute! A funny smile appeared at my lips. I had only heard in narrations by friends, about prostitutes, their physical anatomy, erotic smiles, catching looks etc., but this one was paculiar. She belonged to the bottom league, one the middle class society looks down with contempt.
"Chaaya kudikka", I suddenly looked up & saw Janu standing, very tired, she seems to have toiled hard last night. I hesitated to accept her invitation for tea, my pride never allowed me, Its her sweat, Its the price of her ailing body, her lively hood for today till tonight. "Eragibaada, oonda oru Abimaanam" telling this she walked, I automatically followed her as if under a spell. We went to the early shop, and she ordered two teas, this time she joined me. "Oon pooyilee" the shop man asked with the same erotic grin, we didn't listened to it.
After tea, we walked back, now the mainstream society citizens were starting invading the place in numbers, and Janu was finding very uncomfortable out there, every here & there contempt looks poked her. She put her hands inside her blouse, pulled out aroll of dirty currency, & without counting she snatched my right hand & placed the currency roll in my palm and tightly folded it. All happened in one second, I barely had time or strength to react. Her thin palms were very strong that I couldn't free my hands off it. "ethreendannareella, Mangalapurathinu poovan athu daaralam", she uttered without looking at me, "beegam adutha bandi keeri poykoo, eni ebida kaanaruthu", she walked away without looking at me, while moving I could seperate her bugle like voice from the bus horns, "nikkum anna pooloru kuttiyundu!" she walked away uttering, never looking back even once. Her voice was shivering. I stood there stunned! my mind & heart was filled with emotions, in that summer heat, a slight curtain of fog was covering my eyes, a chilly mist was wrapping me up. I wished her to looked back at least once, but none! Slowely the fog melted into vapours and it slowely began to drop from my eyes.
"Kasargod Mangalapuram"... followed with a horn, the sound shook me up, "eppa poonu", I looked around, a well furnished TATA bus, I suddenly wiped my eyes & jumped into that bus, found a seat, and looked around to wave to Janu, but she had just vanished into thin air... I leaned back, opened my hands & looked at the currency notes, it had the smell of poultry farm & rotten vegetables, the smell poured inexplicable emotions deep inside me, I felt that I was deeply in love with Janu, & my heart ached as the bus moved. I don’t know weather I would ever see her, may be not, but what ever happens, I WILL NEVER FORGET HER! Even if I forget my mother, my sister, and even everyothers…I even forgot about the uncertanity waiting for me at Mangalapuram……….. My mind was filled with JANU……..
Outside the sun was trying to open up, but inside the bus, the mist still surrounded me and it covered me like a womb, I slowely wrapped myself inside that mist, like a baby waiting to be born ...............................
(THE END)
12:00 clock noon! yeh the sun is shining right on top, like a melting golden plate, and the atmosphere is boiling. But it has to be, b'cause its April, and we don't expect chilly mists to spread during these periods. I sneaked with some effort through the rushes of Kottakkal private stand, with a vacant mind and an almost vacant purse.... &; these days I wonder why my mind has gone vacant, maybe there was nothing to expect for, or nothing to dream for, not even beautiful girls,... But what can I... a 3rd class graduate expect, other than field survey, on a nominal piece rate, for a private marketing survey firm. But this time it was too boring.... cigarettes, for ITC,...... how many time u smoke? what brand? Why? do u smoke while defecation?....... boring particularly for a person who had smoked only 3 or 4 times in his entire life. What is the enjoyment it brings, a couple of hard coughs... sourness in throat, nothing else, God knows. Oh! now the heat is taking its toll, I was boiling with the entire Kottakkal Bus stand, I thought like that we all will boil and will swell out into huge flesh masses, and then will become jelly and all humans will join to form a huge lump of flesh!
There, Muslim women (Malappuram is entirely Muslim dominated) irrespective of their ages moved around claded in Purdhas of various kinds (the age seemed undefined inside a purdha), &; it seemed like penguins moving around in tandem! there was a certain rhythm for their movement, short steps, slow strides. Some times I even wondered how these women maintained their body temperature in this boiling heat, but sooner I would conclude my thought, that they were well protected with the soft layer of fat which covered their entire body, or the expensive perfumes coated over their body - both being byproducts of their Spouses sweat shed ed at the frying deserts of middle Easts. Here in Malappuram one can see only these women, at times I felt very lonely in middle of these unfriendly PENGUINS!
My throat was almost dry, but my pocket was too...., what can a guy earning around 750 bucks (incl. TA) save, for the latter period of a month. With some anxiety I peeped through my pocket... bus fare to Trissur (where I halted), a low fare vegetarian lunch, yeh that's all, finished, no room for a luxury called Tea or soda shurbath. But with great courage I ventured for a soda (Life has made me very bold these days). The turst took me briskly into the far side of the Busstand, a midst of glourous 'Gulf flourishing' shops, I landed near a decent one, 'Oru Uppusoda' I asked, and looked around. Many pairs of eyes started to stare at me. It is a peculiarity in Malabar, where ever u went, people will watch u closely, as if cats stares at dogs, with great caution & watch full ness. Initially I was very irritated, but with time I became used to it, I knew that there was nothing to panic, the 'street watchers' were harmless, they were staring out of their curiosity, or out of their fear towards a mysterious stranger (my mother used to say at all times, that I looked very mysterious right from my childhood, then how can they). So as always I just ignored it, and gazed casually into the shop, whistling a hit tamil song... suddenly the year 1993 catched my eyes, yeh next year is the next FIFA world cup, ie 1994, suddenly the thrill of shouting galleries, and the romantic sight of dribbling balls passed through my mind..... These are some rare sweet moments that come my way. I smiled, the shop keeper stretched a full glass of uppusoda towards me, the sight of tiny bubbles popping up and cracking at the surface, quenched half my thirst. With one gulp I emptied the glass and placed the same on the shop table. "Engal ebadunna" a rough voice poked at my ears, I looked around, a stout head load labourer with light green cotton slack shirt & dark green lungie, with both his hands at his hips, stood right behind me looking very curiously at me, his eyes was repeating that question, demanding an answer, "engal ebidannu barunnu" next question!, I looked around, a small tremor passed through my spine when I saw a group of men, including market workers, staring at me, they were watching, as if a cockfight is going to start. I smelled trouble, but without showing it I answered in a casual voice: "Njaan eranakulathunnu ninnu vannu, evida oru companikku veendi survey edukkanam" and smiled artificially. "Enthu surbey, ebadatha combany,... ooan kallatharam kondiragikkannu" he shouted looking at the mob, the mob laughed, "kallananu" "sooikkanam" some comments bursted from the mob, I was getting more & more uncomfortable, with shiver spreading inside me, but I tried hard to cover it up, suddenly I watched the mob, it was getting bigger & bigger, & it is now formed into a circle, & I was right in middle of it. I was sure, that without clearing all the doubts of this mob, I couldn't escape from it. The mob has begun to embrace me tightly. "Ooana bidandada Ali", someone shouted, then I made out that the person who ventured into me is Ali, a headload worker belonging to a trade union sponsored by Muslim League. The teasing comments from the mob was hurting my pride & ego, and all muscle groups in my body were regrouping and all nervous were urging my responsive system to react, which was logically turned down by my matured "think tank". But the situation was getting worse & worse, with the mob, expecting to see a fight, getting restless, it was left to Ali & me to start the show. We had no other options, the stage was set & we had to go for it, & it was Ali who made the first move, "Neeru parayatha anakku ebidannu poovan pattila" he charged towards me. I made a quick glance at him, he was well built, strong, even I was very strong & muscular (courtsy powerlifting during my college days) , but the hazardous field work &; insufficient food, had taken away lumps of muscles from my arms &; thighs. Moreover it is Kottakkal, heartland of Malappuram, were the Muslim Kingdom reigns, taking on a muslim rowdy at their back yard, in front of his natives, is like taking on a lion at its den. But here I have to fight, to save my pride,… to be a man,… NO! but just to escape from there, I had to fight. Ali grabbed my shirt collar with his showell like palms and threw me to the ground... I fell on my back, saw the blue sky with the sun still burning like a hot plate. I saw Ali rushing towards me, suddenly I folded my right leg, and with all the force of my thigh muscles, I gave a kick to Ali's underbelly, he fell down like a huge coconut palm chopped down. I suddenly got up, everyone in the Mob stood jaw dropped, there was pin drop silence. With some trouble Ali was back to his feet, with his face grinning with pain, he roared "nayeenda moonee", and jumped on me, we exchanged a couple of punches, Ali gave one on my right cheek (i saw heaven), another to my left shoulder, I gave a hard punch to his chest, and an upper cut beneath his jaws, he grinned with pain. But I couldn't carry on this encounter for long, b'cause the backup of 3 iddilies will drain off all my endurance within minutes. But suddenly Ali made a terrific move, he picked a fat log, and rushed towards me. With a quick reflex action I snatched a lemon slicer from the nearby shop, and waved to & fro "aduthaa njaan kuthi malathum", I shouted, but he was unstoppable, or the situation made him unstoppable........., he was in front of his home crowd, & he had to win at any cost, and I cannot loose, the battle line was set for a perfect "cockfight", the mob urged Ali to go for me, Ali did, only to find the razor sharp tip of my knife, the sharp knife sliced through his chest & abdomen, leaving a bloody cross belt across his body!!! Suddenly the mob was shattered, everyone was dislocated, Ali crawled backwards struggling, caught on a pillar, then fell back (in slow motion) and laid on the floor, uttering something in great pain. "Kuthi, Kuthi" OOana aspathri kondoo" "bidaruthavana" voices shouted, but the mob was shattered, sensing a chance to escape, I slipped away with the knife in my hands, some body tried to stop me, but I waved the knife, and ran with all my strength. I knew, if I was caught, my Mother will never see me alive again.
I peeped through a narrow lane and fled, when I reached the other side, an auto stopped near me, "beegam kaaru" a voice came out of it, without thinking anything I jumped into it. Inside the auto I came to knew, that the auto driver was a RSS activist, and the person whom I stabbed was a real head ache for them. He was watching our fight, "engalikku enthingalum battiya, njammada kuttiyoolu bannu ooana toyicheena" , I just gave a dry smile, while cleaning off the blood from my hands, with my kerchief, and then I wrapped the slicer inside the kerchief, and threw it into a canal. I did not revealed my RSS connection back home. I thought of my home for a second, NO! going home is suicidal, I may be traced soon. He took me to a bus stand where a Calicut LS bus was waiting, "bekkum keerikoo, eni Koyikoodu pooyi eragiyaa mathi" he advised, but I was inside the bus even before it. The bus left at once, when I looked back, I saw the auto returning back. When the conductor came near me I suddenly thought of my pocket, "oru kozhikode" i asked, "pINANJU uruppika" he replied, I emptied all the money from my pocket, gave him Rs15/-, and counted the balance, there was Rs.10.50 left. Then I started to think, what next! Then I calmed my mind, what happened was all unexpected, and what will happen will also be unexpected, what to think & plan for something unexpected going to happen? Suddenly Anoop came to my mind, he was one of my early friends, he is at "Mangalapuram", but where? God only knows, there is only a PP Tel.No. of him left with me, how to trace him with a PP no. Unknown place, unknown people, unknown route, I was getting nervous, I suddenly leaned back to my seat, & closed my eyes, & started to think of Ali & the incidents that just happened. The Bus has gone many a miles, but the threat is still following me, the roars & cries of the mob is still echoing in my ears, I was sure that the injury I inflicted was not serious, and he could get away with it within a few weeks. (One who stabs feels the pain, than any one else) But the injury to his pride was enormous, I started to feel sorry for him, he was made to fight rather than he wished to, he might had expected only some verbal exchanges, and should have given up if I kept my cool. But, we were dragged into it by the mob, by our ego, and once we are into it there is no going back, he knew if he looses this one, he is lost for ever, It was his home town, his natives surrounded, and in front of them he cannot afford to loose, once lost, it will erase all his reputation, pride, which he toiled for years to buildup, and which cannot be rebuild. A rowdy is created by a society with just one day, but after that, its left to him to carry on, the society throws down a number of acid tests which he should survive with pin point accuracy, just like a show man in a circus, no retakes, once down he is out for ever, suddenly he looses all glory, new faces will take his place, and since then even the tiny children will hood at him, that's why Ali was forced to take on me, He may be an innocent person, He only wanted to hurt me, to defeat me, for saving his pride, for saving the pride of Kottakkal, for saving the pride of Malabar Muslims, He was bold, strong... I was surmising things his way, suddenly my fear gave way to a strong feeling of sympathy & affection towards him........ Slowly and gradually I fainted into a sound sleep... which continued till the bus reached Calicut.
"Standethi" I suddenly woke up hearing that shout by the bus conductor. Yes, the bus had arrived at Calicut bus stand, and the few passengers left was getting ready to get down. I flexed my eyelids, shook my head & shed off the drowsiness, and slowly got up from the seat, and got down from the bus as the last man. I looked around, it was the first time that I was to Calicut. The Big clock showed 5:32, and my intestines were burning with hunger (In the meantime I have missed my lunch), but I have only reached half my way, my real destination is Mangalore, which is miles away, and I have only Rs.10.50 left, so any thought of pleasing my intestines was out of question at that point. The stand was crowded with buses & people, and here also penguins moved around, but in lesser numbers. I moved around looking at unfamiliar faces, and from one bus worker I came to know that I need Rs.35/- bus fare to reach Mangalore! I gazed at each buses in a careless manner, then slowly began to bite the dead skin on tip of my fingers (an usual thing which I do when I'm in a deep hole). Then I went & sat at a corner, and began to think of what next, there was only one answer, I need Rs.25/- more, and no other solution. Unknown place, I began to think of all my relatives, friends & natives, but NO, not a single person is anywhere near. I suddenly thought of asking for help, but with the incidents at Kottakkal fresh at mind, I decided not to. But what? ideas came, ideas went, but my problem stayed with me. Darkness started to fall, No the night was slowly conquering the day, I felt. Time was running like dark horse, and slowly the common faces made way for some new faces, the original possessors of a bus stand when darkness falls, pick pockets, snatchers, prostitutes, dacoits, criminals, gays, drug carriers etc... they slowly started to invade the bus stand, by which time the main stream public has given way for them. I wondered, it was a silent understanding between these two species, when day breaks out, these people will withdraw, & the public will take over, so they lived in a harmony, never trespassing the invisible lines, & if anyone did, he will be given the maximum punishment. I began to notice each faces, and some looked very similar to the ones which I saw during day. I wondered that the distinguishing lines between the night walkers & day civilians were very thin, that sometimes they even over lapped. Gradually a feel of terror passed through my spines, If another Ali emerges from some where, I'm finished, not even my dead body will be left, because here the night consumes everything........., everything including the day. With fear covering me I wrapped myself inside the boldness which I attained from the Great Kottakkal Escape, and slowly crawled to an unnoticed corner of the waiting shed.
I stayed there for some time, with starving belly, and starving mind, but without any solutions. Suddenly I saw a group watching me, & a whispering discussion is taking place there, and the center of attraction is me. I turned my face off and pretended to be unaware of it. Slowly one from that group came near me, "engadeekka" he asked in a soft low tone, "Mangalapurathekku" I answered, "eni eppo vandikaanoolaa" he answered looking at his watch, "nala vettathinee vandiyuluu, rathri ebida koodanda, bedakku sthalanoo, vaa engala nammalu pattiya stalathu kondakaa" he uttered catching on my hands, but unlike his voice his hold was very strong, like a crab. I snatched away his hands "beenda". "Eda sateesha, mupprikku ebida koodiya matheenu" he shouted to his group and laughed, they joined his laugh, and came near me, "Muppariku koyappamillagi, namakkum koyappamilla, namakku ebidathanna kooda, namukku apurathu pooka", another dark fat man yelled putting his hands around my shoulders. I shook ed off his hands, "mooparu aalu stronganalla" , "ebida vaada" another one tried to catch my collar, I jabbed his hands away, suddenly my worst fears were coming alive, with an empty stomach I warmed up for yet another fight, all my muscles regrouped, and nerves held them tight, I wondered from where did I generated such energy, each time a situation arises, may be I had become a peculiar species, programmed for crisis management.
"Eethu nayeenda makkalada abida", everybody looked around, a dark thin women, aged around 50-55 years, stayed looking at us. "Etaraappa Jaanuvaa, anakku koolonuum kiteeladiyai?" the group leader asked, "entha anakku @#&@#& beenoo", everybody laughed, "ennathu aidsu vannu chavanaa? beendaaadi...", the fat one replied, "enna engalu poo, oon Rajanda kuttyanu", she said looking at me, the gang suddenly went quiet for a moment, "Rajanda?" asked the leader, "entha, biswasayillagi chennu chooyeeru, pooyeenada ma@#&lee, rajan areenja andekka shavam poolum kaanulla", she shouted, the gang slowly withdrew, uttering something to themselves. I sighed a relief, and looked at her. SHE WAS A STREET PROSTITUTE, ONE WHO IS AT THE LOWER END OF FLESH TRADE, one who sells her body for a very cheaper rate (Rs.10, 15 or 20), one whose customers are beggars, low class pickpockets etc.. She was thin, with slight bend, she had crushed skin all over body, her face was like small coconut shell, with too little hair, wrapped up into a small ball right on top of her head, her starch less cheeks curved inside, forming large craters on either side of her face, and her eyes were inserted deep inside holes, we can only see two black holes, in the places of both eyes. In one look her face looked like a sheet of crushed dark skin tightly covering her skull, in fact with drained cheeks, deep inserted eyes, she looked like a vampire in Hollywood films. She had a mixed smell of poultry farm & rotten vegetables. Her limbs resembled thin logs, and she coughed each time she uttered a long sentence.
She looked at me through that black hole eyes (i couldn't see it), "Nee edunna", her voice was like a bugle blown in full swing, like a hungry kitten seeing milk, I vomited the whole story, right from Kottakkal busstand, and was breathing hard, when I finished it. " Anakku beethi poovarunillaa?" she asked in a interrogative manner, I listed my reasons one by one, "mathi" she shouted, "ooronikkalu bannoolum engadu, neeyakka ebidaagilum chennu, enthenkilum patticha, beetilu ninda thallakku aarada?", "ebidakka bannu petta penna orupooku pooyathanu' nee eppa kandilaa, avamarum engina bannu pettathana, athupoolavanoo anakkum?" she yelled in one streach, and then started to whisper some obscene comments to the air, "anakku besakkanenda? baa" she walked, I obeyed like a primary school student. She took me to near a "Thattukada" "oru chaya, randu undamporium", she told loudly, the shop man asked with an erotic smile "aarikkaa", "njammada kuttiyanu" she answered looking at me and snapped her left eye. I ate both undampories like a cat chewing fish head, and emptied the tea glass, wiped my lips, "bashappu mariaa", I nodded my head with great satisfaction, she placed some dirty currencies at a box top, and walked away without speaking, I followed suit. I know that I had just had my dinner, and a street prostitute has paid for it, but I didn't felt disgraced, that's the power of hunger, gradually I was adjusting to this colourless world.
I came back with her & sat at that corner, I felt very relieved & happy (?), without even realising, I was feeling very secure with her. "Eni enthappa?" she asked, I nodded negatively, "enna daa moolaku pooy kedanoo, arrum kaanulla", and pointed to a dark corner of an abandoned work shed. I walked near it, it was full of damaged bus wheels, Oil drums, mutilated spare parts, the floor was soaked in greece & engine oil, with waste cotton scattered at all parts. I paused at the entrance & a contempt look adorned my face. "Enthaa?" she exclaimed, "anakku malannu kedakkan malika kondoorattee?, koothichimoon, baneekanu abanda oru hungaai", she started to recite, I soon entered it, & went to a corner, and placed me comfortable behind the partition of a couple of empty oil drums. Sitting there, I felt very bad & small, what a creature am I? A prostitute is trying hard to support me for a night within her limited resources, & I'm trying to exploit the maximum, what a shame on me... "Anakku ottakirikkan paadeeda?", her bugle voice pierced the darkness, I didn't replied, in fact I was ashamed of myself. With the combination smell of rotten vegetables & poultry farm approaching me, I could make out that she was coming to me. She came & sat near me, & said "Avidirunna aa Mavoor Bhaseem satheeshanum Meenchanda shajeem eneem varum..... verutha enthina gulmal pidikkanaa...", "Avarokka aaraa?" I asked after a few seconds, she kept quiet for a while, "badakkukal", the whole answer was consolidated into that one word, after that we didn't spoke about it, silence filled the vaccum between us. But it was an uneasy situation, each time I expected something to happen.
I was not aware of the time, or I was not bothered for it. Minutes passed by, suddenly a voice of a vehicle cut through the silence, Janu (in meantime I was familier with her name) jerked up "ebadannu anagarutu" and she quickly moved out as if expecting something, from outside I start to hear rough male voices overlaping Janu's voice, somebody was raising against her, & she was pleading, at times her voice was on the brink of breaking down. Gradually I made out who it is, Police! suddenly a mild tremor vibrated through my spines, Almost midnight, in an abandoned bus stand full of criminals of various kinds, I in company with a prostitute! wonderful situation for a Police Officer to find me, and what if? I can spend the rest of this night and the coming nights under the 'armed' & 'warm' security of the Police Station, What an Idea!!! That voice is still at large, now other voices is also been heard, sounds of lathi tapping at the floor, ugly abuses, boot heals striding poked my ears, after some time I heard the sound of vehicle starting and slowly the voice vanished. Janu rushed in by wiping her face & neck with her sari head, "Ooh rakshapettu" and looking at me, ""Anna kanathirikkan njamma petta paad, pahayan engaad keeran poyathanu, pacheengi njammal applekkum bishayam maati..... baaseeda karyam paranju angadeeku bittu" she paused & took a deep breath "enthu paranju" I asked, "Oonda kayi marunudannu paranju' oona avaru pokki kondupooyi". "Appo" I again asked, "enthu oona ennu Rajan CI edichu chammandi aakum" she laughed, "kozhappavulaa" I asked, "enda neera choondi anna kanichuthara ennu parijittanu oon poyathu", .... I sat silently, "Aaranu Rajan CI", I inquired after some time, Janu looked around, & whispered "Policee circlelaanu, ebanmarooda nethavoom, marunnu kachoodom (drug trafficing) erachi kachoodam (flesh trade) mooparariyaatha aarum cheyyan padilaa, ellathinum mooparikku vihitoondu, athu koduthileel ethu poola pidichoondu poovum, pineedu avanda parippu kalakkum", she spoke in one streatch. "Mooparida aalu ennu paranja pinna aarum anna thodoola, pacheengi, mooparu anna kandirineel, anna kondooyee anna kondu ee duniyavilee ella bedakku paneem cheeyakkum, moopparikku ella rathreem kundanmaaraa (a kind of male homosexuals) beenam",..... she stopped. I felt very greatful to Janu, she was saving me risking her life, She was sure Bhasi would take revenge on her as soon as he returns, or the notorious CI Rajan will harass her if he comes to know that she was hiding me tonight. Either way she was at danger, I felt very sorry for her.
Time was well passed midnight, a sound of cough was heard outside followed by a call "Edi Januaai...", then Janu sat up quietly and said in a low tone "Nee orangikoo" and she walked out without any particuler unemotional, she was out for her job, her customer or customers were waiting, it may be 10 or 20 minutes, or even hours, and what will she earn, 25 - 30 rupees together with endless incurable diseases. I have read somewhere, street prostitutes lives only upto 50 to 60years, in that case Janu has approached the fag end of her life, her rock crusher like coughs are an indication to it. I felt very lonely after her exit, the compound odor of poultry & rotten vegetables has vanished, I slowly laid back on a news paper laid down on that grease cladded floor, and slowly I fell into a deep sleep. In that sleep, Ali, Bhasi, Sateeshan all arrived, they started to dance around me, then I joined with them, then we all were dancing to some tunes, my mother, sister, sweet heart, cousins, everybody faded through my eyes,..... but I kept dancing, dancing, dancing,..........
"Nadhapuram Kasargode..." the sound of a bus shouter suddenly awoke me, I looked around, it is early dawn, the sun is overcoming its shyness to come forward. Its 6 am at the bus stand clock, and the stand is slowly starting to be taken up by the elite mainstream society, the dark sons of night has gone hiding somewhere..... the unscripted law has prevailed. A few yards away, at a street tap some were taking bath, I felt that the inhabitants of night were washing away the sins & stains of night, and getting ready to face the day. I felt very thirsty, (on all mornings I used to take 3 glasses of fresh water). Suddenly I the scenes of last night flashed through my mind, For the first time in my life (also last) I have spend a night with a prostitute! A funny smile appeared at my lips. I had only heard in narrations by friends, about prostitutes, their physical anatomy, erotic smiles, catching looks etc., but this one was paculiar. She belonged to the bottom league, one the middle class society looks down with contempt.
"Chaaya kudikka", I suddenly looked up & saw Janu standing, very tired, she seems to have toiled hard last night. I hesitated to accept her invitation for tea, my pride never allowed me, Its her sweat, Its the price of her ailing body, her lively hood for today till tonight. "Eragibaada, oonda oru Abimaanam" telling this she walked, I automatically followed her as if under a spell. We went to the early shop, and she ordered two teas, this time she joined me. "Oon pooyilee" the shop man asked with the same erotic grin, we didn't listened to it.
After tea, we walked back, now the mainstream society citizens were starting invading the place in numbers, and Janu was finding very uncomfortable out there, every here & there contempt looks poked her. She put her hands inside her blouse, pulled out aroll of dirty currency, & without counting she snatched my right hand & placed the currency roll in my palm and tightly folded it. All happened in one second, I barely had time or strength to react. Her thin palms were very strong that I couldn't free my hands off it. "ethreendannareella, Mangalapurathinu poovan athu daaralam", she uttered without looking at me, "beegam adutha bandi keeri poykoo, eni ebida kaanaruthu", she walked away without looking at me, while moving I could seperate her bugle like voice from the bus horns, "nikkum anna pooloru kuttiyundu!" she walked away uttering, never looking back even once. Her voice was shivering. I stood there stunned! my mind & heart was filled with emotions, in that summer heat, a slight curtain of fog was covering my eyes, a chilly mist was wrapping me up. I wished her to looked back at least once, but none! Slowely the fog melted into vapours and it slowely began to drop from my eyes.
"Kasargod Mangalapuram"... followed with a horn, the sound shook me up, "eppa poonu", I looked around, a well furnished TATA bus, I suddenly wiped my eyes & jumped into that bus, found a seat, and looked around to wave to Janu, but she had just vanished into thin air... I leaned back, opened my hands & looked at the currency notes, it had the smell of poultry farm & rotten vegetables, the smell poured inexplicable emotions deep inside me, I felt that I was deeply in love with Janu, & my heart ached as the bus moved. I don’t know weather I would ever see her, may be not, but what ever happens, I WILL NEVER FORGET HER! Even if I forget my mother, my sister, and even everyothers…I even forgot about the uncertanity waiting for me at Mangalapuram……….. My mind was filled with JANU……..
Outside the sun was trying to open up, but inside the bus, the mist still surrounded me and it covered me like a womb, I slowely wrapped myself inside that mist, like a baby waiting to be born ...............................
(THE END)
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